and award season is off

So tonight "officially" began award season and the "countdown to the Oscars" (as VH1's lack luster red carpet hosts reminded as every interviewee was subject to the same moronic statement). And I seriously hope that the Critic's Choice Awards were not an indication of how this season is going to turn out. Honestly, I've been reading, speculating, watching and blogging to try and find my picks of the year and predict the outcomes of the award shows to come, but I was not expecting the crap they threw at me tonight.

I should have known, as Quintin Tarantino's ugly face popped up on my TV screen, that it was going to be a rough night. Even the usually charming Kristin Chenoweth fell flat with poor puns and lack luster musical numbers. And then it started to hit me that Inglorious Basterds was going to be the fan favorite of the night. As the camera continued to cut back to the cast and egotistical Tarantino, I watched as the poor excuse for a good "movie" eat up the publicity, nominations and occasionally awards. Now, don't get me wrong, Christoph Waltz's performance was rightly rewarded tonight, but other than that, it deserved nothing. Not even a nomination. I mean really? Best Original Screenplay? REALLY? I would put the film at the top of my "needs editing" list of the year. Basterd's screamed of self-indulgent writing, basking in superfluous dialogue and a painful run time.

But other than the atrocious number of awards and attention that Basterds received tonight (don't even get me started on that Best Ensemble award) was the disgusting fact that they had broken down into genre categories. "Best Action Movie" and "Best Comedy" made me sick. I mean, what is this, the MTV Movie Awards? Might as well be with the choice of network to air on. I guess I'm just baffled by the voting pool from which these votes are drawn from. Yes, I can see such genre convention coming from MTV, the People's Choice, etc., but the critics? So much about award season is built on the commercial nature of Hollywood and the circular system to award specific films, but I'd at least have thought that the toughest critics could be a little more selective. I mean if the critics can't be then who can? For once a scrupulous audience has the chance to showcase talent, but has instead reinforced the ever-present dominance of Hollywood and genre convention. The Oscars may be picked by the Hollywood community, producers, actors and industry people alike, but the power of journalism suggest stepping beyond. And I would argue that the Critic's Choice has rather taken steps back from the Oscars and has moved into a realm of popular consumerism.

"I see you"

I'll admit it. I just saw Avatar. And I will be the first to call myself culturally illiterate. So I obviously didn't fall into the hype of the film, or even muster enough energy to make it to the theater in those first few weeks. But i did manage to make it there finally, by the fourth week of sold out shows. By this point, I was of course, itching in my skin to see this film that had become a source of cultural bonding. Everyone and their mother had seen and loved this movie and I had yet to see it. Soon, nearly all my viewing companions had run out and I began to panic. Avatar was quickly becoming the major reference point for contemporary pop culture.

So I did it, I bit the bullet, shelled out nearly twenty bucks to do it properly (IMAX 3D) and sat through the three hour run time and tedious and inevitable line forming outside theaters across the nation. Now, to preface my final thoughts on the film I'd like to point out the curious nature of this Blockbuster Blow Out. The thing about Avatar that baffled me before my initial viewing was the homogeneous response to the film; everyone enjoys it. Now, being a pessimistic film student, this response immediately made me put my guards up. It's just not that easy to please a crowd this diverse. I mean, all of America? Really, James Cameron? This not only peeved me but put me on the defensive; i was determined to find fault.

So about two hours into the mother-fucker, I realized that my list of faults was highlighted by the typical slew of eye rolls and cringes at horrible dialogue and that I could probably go on and on about the problems with this bombastic spectacle, masking itself as cinema. But then I thought to myself that the biggest problem was that I was sitting there, thinking and watching the film and ultimately coming to a conclusion of apathy. I just didn't really give a shit by the time the nearly three hour run time ran out. Sure, it was beautifully computer generated, created an animated piece ripping its script from the pages of Disney's Pocahontas. But who cares? I guess the thing is, I can't generate enough emotion for this film to actually try to argue with people about why it was bad. I mean, sitting there, with my 3D goggles irritating the bridge of my nose, Avatar managed to wow me with economically backed visual spectacle, bore me to pieces as the inevitable and slow-mo'ed war ensued, and make me gag as alien love with sync human sound played out the love of two entirely fabricated and simply unbelievable beings. I get that I was supposed to be sucked in, and I'm sure most were, but nothing about the movie made me want to escape, so much about it just pointed towards typical Hollywood.

Maybe I'm just mad at the film for not even really generating hatred. I happened, and that's about all I can say other than, fuck you, Cameron for making me sit through it and creating an impossible film to argue to the masses about. But at the same time, whatever, it was lavish, bombastic and incredibly self-indulgent. Continue to feed your ego, Cameron, as long as you stay away for another decade.

Hits and Misses of 2009

Thought I've failed to make it through the mess of holiday films that have been thrust at us in the past few weeks, I'm still drawing the year to a close with a list of the best and worst films of 2009. The following films reflect a year of surprise, disappointment, expectation, marketing, form, content, art, commerce, excess, restraint, laughter, and a little joy.

Top 5 of 2009

1. Fantastic Mr. Fox

Cuss yeah this is my pick of the year! In a world where technology promises to continue to increase at an impressively rapid pace, Wes Anderson's carefully crafted work of art is a breath of fresh air. Forget Avatar, this film reminds us of the beauty of human craftsmanship, wry wit and power of details. Anderson transports us to a world in parallel to ours; utterly magical, playful and cinematic. You see the labor, love and craftsmanship in every image. It becomes film comprised of odd moments and disjointed puppet movement, brought together through pure childlike joy with just enough dry humor to keep generations entertained. This film is undoubtably Anderson's most successful and magical film. He has not only restored my faith in his filmmaking, but has reminded me of what animation can be in our Pixar-dominated world. Bravo, Wes.

2. Paranormal Activity

Sorry, I can't resist an independent film underdog story. I saw this film in one of the unpublicized thirteen screenings across the nation this last September. From that moment I fell in love. Sure, maybe I was swayed by the perfectly timed midnight screening and buttered up by free movie popcorn and soda, but this film was perfect in its simplicity. When it went head to head Saw VI and won, I was filled with joy. This film began as nothing, and by the power of our public, it was brought to the world. We can control this industry and Paranormal proves it. And yes, the film did scare the shit out of me, but that's not the point. In my jaded film studies world, this online movement gives me a glimmer of faith in our Hollywood-controlled audiences. We can demand the independent, the underdog and the low budget, and the internet just may be the answer.

3. (500) Days of Summer

Okay, I know. This film is just about the girliest, silliest most irresistibly engrossing things to hit the summer screens. But I'd like to argue for the artistic merit of the movie. I will admit, I was drawn in by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel's indi quirky chemistry and catchy soundtrack, but upon viewing the film, I was ultimately most creatively inspired by the post-modern romantic screenplay. Though it escalated to become 2009's Garden State with a strong serge from its film festival beginnings, Marc Webb's music video vibe and manages to play with the broken to story line to create a sweet visual realization of reality versus expectation. It may have gone mainstream but at least we were given a fresh version of the (anti)romantic comedy; cool, creative and fun.

4. District 9

I will say this was probably my most anticipated film of the year. The perfectly crafted trailer showed a new, gritty image of the action film. However, this marketing genius only set itself up for disappointment. So, while District 9 does win best trailer of the year, it didn't quite measure up (if it had, without a doubt it would take my number one spot). Neil Blomkamp's film begins with the nearly perfect composition of documentary, security camera and interview footage to compose an entirely believable world. Though this film fell short as it paid homage to it's Halo beginnings, the beginning's wit and artistry was enough to land it a spot. If anything, it was a beautiful introduction to my future relationship with Blomkamp. I'm looking forward to the future.

5. The Hangover

Funny, huh? But yes, it made it on my list. This may be due entirely to my surprise at the sheer genius of the ultimately stupid film. I walked in thinking it would be another grotesque, crude male bro film, but it wasn't. Composed of the simplest of concepts, The Hangover builds a shit show of chaos all bound by a cast of perfect chemistry. Sure, there were stupid moments, potty humor and useless nudity, but for once I kept laughing with them. The humor is ultimately relatable, subtle, quotable, and resonant. We hear the songs, quote the lines and all lose ourselves in the ridiculous escape of this movie. Can't help but keep laughin'.

Worst 5 of 2009

1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Fuck Michael Bay and his fucking movies. It never ended, it visually assaulted me for nearly three hours and ultimately embodies all I hate about Hollywood. If these films didn't exist, we'd all be better off.

2. New Moon

Nothin to say other than: "Bella, you're bleeding." I can't watch these bad actors any more.

3. Post Grad

How does this shit get made?

4. The Time Travelers Wife

This two hour sap fest never failed to make me want to puke. All I saw was crying, patchy story lines and "destiny." vomit.

5. Nine

I think Fedrico Fellini is rolling in his grave. The lyrics were bad, the film lacked composition, and ultimately portrayed a horribly insulting image of women.

I could keep going with this list but I'll spare you.

Biggest Disappointments of 2009:

To name of few: Julie and Julia, Bruno, The Princess and the Frog, Inglorious Basterds, and New York, I Love You. Damn these trailers.

Best Trailers of 2009:

1. District 9

2. New York, I Love You

3. A Single Man

4. Where the Wild Things Are

5. The White Ribbon

Failed to Razzle-Dazzle Me

I don't know what my least favorite part of Rob Marshall's newest glitzy musical Nine. For one, I probably shouldn't have even attempted another boisterous Hollywood musical again, because I often enter with predetermined feelings of distain. Yet the impressive cast and promise peculiar homage to Fellini's classic 8 1/2 was enough to get me to drop the ten dollar ticket price. But I should have known. The film from which the musical draws its inspiration is perfectly captured through Fellini's visual and psychological mixing of form and content to the demise of an actual narrative. Bound by the control of the camera and the mind, 8 1/2 captures a level beyond the false minor life details that would supposedly progress a linear plot line. And ultimately that is what Nine becomes comprised of; meaningless encounters with his subjective women.

The film is made up of patchy and jilted musical numbers by each of the dramatic famous "Italian" director Guido Contini's (Daniel Day-Lewis) women. Now I use a possessive here because that is essentially the role each and every one of them hold. They fall subject to the unfortunately surface concerns of Guido's character, each only concerned with the role in relation to the man. Not one of these strong female characters seemed able to go beyond the man, and were therefore bound to the superficial portrait of his character. Each and every one of these actresses I have at least a small amount of respect for, yet all seemed subject to the simple relationship between this man and every woman. With the exception of Fergie's shockingly impressive role as the childhood spirit Saraghina, all numbers seemed more akin to a tacky knock off a Chicago stage performance. Marshall did not fail to mask the shallow nature of his content in his infamous glitter and sequins set against his spot-lit black background. In fact maybe that's my problem with this movie; with all the feathers, bosom and grainy black and white footage thrown at us, I was still wasn't even entertained. Forget all the referential film history crap, I was down right unimpressed by just about everything. There was no retreat, no truly catch numbers (with the exception for Fergie's "Be Italian") , or even some gripping plot line. Nothing. Nothing but a whole-lotta lingerie and moanin' and groanin'. Thumbs down. Not even worth my time.

wants another oscar nod, me thinks

You already made this film, Ridley Scott. It was called Gladiator.

Letter to the producers of Leap Year

Dear Movie-makers,

I was unaware we needed a prequel to Maid of Honor.

Thank You,

Me

yeah... so apparently this is happening...

The Sorcerer's Apprentice trailer has officially premiered and now I have a few concerns for the sanity of Hollywood:

1. Why the hell was this made?

2. Why does Nick Cage have that damn haircut? And why isn't he accompanied by a clumsy, curious mouse in a cape?

3. Why do they feel the need to ruin the magic of Fantasia and Goethe's short story? I don't think Goethe intended there to be purple dragons and mythical men from the east involved...