critical crap part 1

So I'm approximately an hour into the first major award show of the season, and I'm awfully confused. You see, VH1/MTV conglomerate, you already have the MTV Movie Awards which chooses to make an absolute ass of itself around June of every year. So why this crap? It's sort of like one cruel joke for all those award nominees who'll be bumping elbows and sipping champagne through January and February. I mean, they've got Steven Spielberg and Geoffrey Rush locked in a room listening to the Kardashians attempt to compare this year's excellent selection of documentary films to their own sad excuse for entertainment. Sorry ladies, no one actually believes you sat through a documentary. And don't get me started on Maroon 5's presence as the "in house band." It all feels like one tacky Bar mitzvah.

Oh and how I have yet to begin on the winners tonight. I'll attempt to restrain myself, but since when is inventing a Best Action film category a real way to make up for the fact that Dark Night wasn't nominated for that Best Picture Oscar? And Best Comedy? Jesus fucking christ. I'm not sure how many d-list star award announcements I can take, but I've nearly reached my boiling point. (And this fact is incredibly unsettling considering the Hollywood-fest I have in store with the Globes on Sunday). I'm not sure how this is going to play out but I suspect an unfortunate progression towards victory for Avatar (posthumously). Because frankly this shit has pathetic train wreck written all over it.

And now I'm watching Quintin Tarantino accept an award he deserves but should never accept. This is my hell: watching sweaty, disgusting, coked-up Tarantino babble on about his "craft." I swear to god I feel you right now, Steven.