Blair Witch 2

The internet and fan phenomenon that was Paranormal Activity has cloned itself. I was witness to a similar scene last night, nearly deja vu, as I sat in a crowded movie theater full of loud and excited college students. We had all "demanded" this. However the spirit that was internet buzz, which had previously spurred the release of the first film, was all together lack luster on this Wednesday evening. The over-baring "security" that prevented us from "texting or twittering" about anything in this "secret" horror pic, only added to obnoxious energy of the room. It was your typical young horror film viewing experience: boys who think it's funny to scream out at the audience and chatter throughout the film. And this probably would have bothered me if I actually cared about what was going on.

Boy was it slow. The shaking hand held camera work of the first, which had so uncomfortably left me out of control of the image, was replaced with 5 stagnant security images. The second actually serves as a prequel to the first, revealing the logic behind the demon hauntings of the first. We get the story of Katie's sister and the birth of her first born son as the demon attempts to take what his rightfully his at a glacial pace. And of course, as we moved from night to night, the film attempted to build the unpleasant tension of the first film. And it took 11 nights before a damn thing happened. It was so slow that the midnight screening time in conjunction my sitting position was begging me to close my eyes and doze as the audience (right-on-cue) stirred and buzzed with each nightfall. Once the action finally started, it was an over-the-top version of the first film. We were allowed to linger on action for far too long, as our own logic of reality was allowed to overtake any fear we might have. It then took a turn towards Quarantine as the night vision was switched on and the hand held kicked in. Whatever. Been there, done that twice now.

Here's the problem: I don't give a shit why Katie was possessed. Nor do I particularly care about her sister, her nephew or her brother in law. So when they all meet their inevitable death (don't even try to accuse me of spoiler alert), we just don't care, and we're so tired from the popcorn digesting in our stomachs and amount of time we've spent in the dark, that we just want the whole thing to be done and over with. Stop trying to recreate a distinct moment in internet/movie history. It's neither going to happen, nor ever be the same. This ain't no Transformer's 3.